Senior days

After coming out of the supermarket today:

Me - Ella, for the 5th time, get on the bike now please, I'm fed up waiting.
Ella - I just have to do this.
Me - Ok, then I'll go and you can walk home.
Ella - Nooo!
Me - It was just a joke, Ella. You know I'd never do that. But I just don't want to be kept waiting any longer.
Ella - That makes me very sad if you say that.
Me - I'm sorry, sweetie. You know I would never, ever leave you behind anywhere. Just get on the bike now.
Ella [climbing on the bike] - If you say that again, I'll be very sad.
Me - I'll try not to say it again, ok? But you know it's only a joke, don't you? I would really never, ever leave you behind. I have told you that plenty of times.
Ella - I forget sometimes.
Me - You forget that I would never leave you?
Ella - Yes. And you have to remind me lots of times on the days that I forget.
Me - Ok.
Ella - I'll tell you which days I forget.
Me - Ok?
Ella - Thursday...
Me - [burst out laughing]
Ella - And Wednesday. And Sunday. That's the days you have to remind me.
Me - Ok, on Wed, Thurs and Sunday I will tell you lots that I'll never, ever leave you.

Of monsters and magic

Yesterday morning I went back inside the house after clearing the back lawn of half-chewed bones* to find Ella crying and calling out for me.

Me - Tell me what's wrong, sweetie.
Ella - I had a bad dream about monsters and they are still here.
Me - Ooh, we'll need some magic to scare them away then, won't we? Here, you take one fairy wand and I will take the other. Now we'll go to every corner of the room, make a circle with the fairy wand like so and say: "Abracadabra abra hey! Make the monsters go away!"
Ella - No, we have to turn them into fairies.
Me - Ok, what about "Abracadabra abradairy, monster turn into a fairy!"

So we walked around to every corner (and dark crevices between furniture) of Ella's room, my room and the lounge room to exorcise the monsters. (It appears monsters only like carpeted rooms?) It took me 10 minutes of my valuable time between waking up and rushing off to work, but it was well worth it. No monsters have reared their ugly heads in the past 24 hours.

There's a bit of a story behind this too.

When Ella and I (and my niece) shared a room at my sister's place in Belgium last August, Ella started crying loudly late one night. I rushed over to her bed, saw how distressed she was, picked her up and put her on my lap on my bed and tried to get her to focus on me so I could calm her down. But she looked around and screamed hysterically at the dark corners of the room, yelling about monsters. She behaved like she was on some hallucinogenic drug. I had to rush her out of the room and down to the lounge room. There I finally managed to get her to focus on my face and she calmed down eventually. It was then that I realised how hot her skin felt and after checking her temperature, she turned out to have quite a high fever. It was a classic case of fever-induced hallucinations.

When she finally regained control over her speech, she feebly but surely told me that she would not go back into that room because the monsters were still there. I remembered the advice from another parent years ago about not denying the existence of whatever young kids might be scared off. And this was even worse than your average irrational fear. I saw that she SAW those monsters coming towards her. To her they were as real as the furniture in that room and there was no way that anyone would've been able to convince her that was she saw was not actually there.

I did some quick thinking and then told her that what monsters are more scared of than anything else in the world is… bubbles. It was the first thing that came to mind and it really did not matter at all what it was. I went up with a bubble blower and came back down to report to her that the monsters were sooo scared of the magic bubbles that they tripped over their own feet running down the stairs and out of the house. That they were really far away now and would never be able to find their way back to the room.

It worked. She went back to sleep in the same room, though she never really felt totally at ease there again unfortunately.

Since then we have had magic marbles, magic pebbles, magic fairy wands and a magic bear to ward off the monsters. Ella has also decided that monsters are scared of beautiful things (which is why beautiful clothes are important!) and somewhere along the track the fairies got involved - because the fairies can 'ding' the monsters into fairies. (It's all very logical, really!) At the last Halloween party we attended, Ella came up with the idea of dressing up like a fairy because then [smug laughter] "all the scary monsters at the party would be scared of her."

She only once brought up the monster experience herself, a couple of weeks after our return. "Remember mum, that there was a room in Belgium, that had monsters?" And I have brought it up myself a couple of times. Not because I am a sadist and want to remind her, but because I know that noone - not even a 3yo - could that easily forget a harrowing experience like that. It may be one of her earliest memories that will stay with her forever. It is part of her history and part of who she is now and there is nothing I can do about that. What I can do is acknowledge to her that it was real and try to put a positive spin on it by reminding her of the power of magic, which now - fortunately - is every bit as real to her as the monsters were. I have at times asked her serious questions about the experience - because I really want to know what it was like. The last time I mentioned those monsters was when we read an illustrated book in which a fairy has a dream about shadowy monsters coming out of the walls towards her. I asked Ella if the monsters she saw were like those in the book. She said they weren't because hers were real and the ones from the book were only a dream. And she said they looked "different".

Before I had a child myself, I think I was probably one of those people who thought it was rather unethical to "lie" to your children e.g. about Santa and the Easter Bunny. But this experience has ultimately taught me that a child's imagination has both negative and positive sides and it is better to use the positive aspects in their advantage then to just leave them struggling with the negative ones on their own.

And besides, who am I to tell her that 'my reality' is more real then 'her reality' anyway? People believe in all sorts of things, so believing in monsters and fairy magic really doesn't seem that far fetched. As far as I am concerned she can believe in fairies for the rest of her life. If it offers her comfort or enjoyment. But I do hope that one day she will see the monsters for what they are: a figment of a child's vivid imagination and nothing at all to be afraid of. I also hope that it will teach her something about dealing with the other kind of monsters inside our head that we all get haunted by at times: that she will always know that all it takes is some skilfully applied fairy magic to make them run away in fear!

*Just re-read this and thought I'd better clarify that
a) the bones were not of the human but of the bovine variety
b) all the chewing was done by the canine occupant of our residence

Time to forget about time

We came back from 10 days camping at Mystery Bay: a 'primitive camping ground' on the coast near Narooma.

We could've got my dream spot to put our tent: nice big mostly flat spot with 180 degrees ocean and beach views and right next to the track down to the main beach! But Ella decided otherwise. When she heard that someone we knew was already there, she insisted on setting up camp near them. And it was that decision that made it an ideal holiday for her. For 10 days we were part of a little community that consisted of 4 families with kids of various ages and some great grown-up friends.

Here the 3 little ones are terrorising 12yo Liam, who took it all in his stride.


Here Ella and us watch on in amazement as the 4 big kids go absolutely berserk after drinking a can of Solo.


The lack of privacy got to me a bit at times, but didn't bother Ella in the least. For 10 days she was a feral child, walking around barefoot (even I couldn't do that with all the twigs and leaf litter there!), unwashed (way too cold for cold showers) and sometimes only half dressed. She was very independent: made her own breakfast a few times, went to visit her friends' camps, got stuff from the tent or the car by herself, even did the dishes once. She temporarily lost her fear of the dark even: I watched in amazement as she walked around in the dark without a torch.

Apart from occasionally wiping the food off her face and getting her to wash her hands or wipe them with anti-bacterial gel after visiting the pit toilets, I did not wash her at all. I made 2 plaits in her hair the day after we arrived and didn't touch it after that. In sharp contrast with other families who went through great lengths to keep their kids squeaky clean at all times. An effort not to be underestimated when you are camping in the bush.

Fortunately I don't care about sand in the bed.


The weather wasn't too bad. There were some lovely beach days and enough sun for me to get sun burnt. Ella was more cautious in the waves than I would've liked her to be, but she had some fun in the water nevertheless. The body board was wasted on her though. Maybe next year.

Though I did find a good use for the body board after all.


Christmas day was quiet. The present - a car garage that I spend an hour in the middle of the night putting together by the light of a torch - got a genuinely surprised "Santa got me what I asked for!" reaction. We ended up having lunch by ourselves and then went down to the beach.

New Year's Eve got spoiled by a group of obnoxious teenagers who came just to throw a loud party. I felt obliged to spend the night in the tent sitting next to a sleeping Ella just in case she got woken by the racket.

We got home with a tan, sand in our hair and all our clothes smelling of the campfire. And feeling pretty tired. Not checking the time even ones while we were there, we probably did not get as much sleep as we should've. It was absolutely divine to forget about time though. To never rush, to take out time for everything.



Ella and Luna having a tea party.


So it is a bit of a shock to be back home and me back at work. The clock rules our lives again and it makes us both a bit sad. I quite enjoy having my privacy back and warm running water and a clean toilet. But Ella misses being part of a close-knit community. And she's of course taking it out on me. So we had following conversation last night while I was washing something at the kitchen sink:

Ella - I'm not going to wash anything.
Me - I didn't ask you to wash anything. But some other day you can do the dishes.
Ella - Then I'm not going to.
Me - You are old enough now to do the dishes now and then.
Ella - But I'm not going to do it!
Me - We live together in this house and we are a team, Ella. And we have to work together like a team.
Ella - I'm not in your team anymore. I moved you to the "caves" team.
Me - Oh. Ok. So what is YOUR team having for dinner then?
Ella - The same as you.
Me - Oh no, I'm only cooking food for MY team.
Ella - I'm going to cook food here. On the ground. That's where my fire is.
Me - So YOUR team are having pretend food. Well MY team is having salmon and sausages and potatoes on the bbq.

I could've saved my breath really…

A bit later Ella told me:

Ella - I saw a redback spider at daycare today. It's going to bite you. I'm going to put your hand on it and then it'll bite you…
Me - Right. If you continue to talk to me like that you can forget about me cooking you food and you can go to bed straight away!

We'll both have to learn how to deal with all those rules and boundaries and time limitations again. Though one of my new years resolutions was to not watch the clock so often and not rush as often.

Update

My apologies for the lack of recent content to everyone who follows my blog. We've been busy...

We went camping at Mimosa Rocks National Park a few weeks ago. I meant to write about that. About how great Ella was to camp with, how she helped me set up and pack up the tent without telling me "I'm tired" after 3 minutes: a first! How we enjoyed the close encounters with the wildlife. Ella thinks it is totally normal to talk to the animals too. She probably thinks I'm Dr Doolittle when I go: "Bye Mrs Echidna! Nice meeting you! Have a nice day!" Or "Thanks for visiting us goanna! How very lovely to meet you!". I thought the funniest moment was when I yelled: "Hi little wallaby!" upon which the little wallaby promptly plonked down on his bum. I'd never seen a wallaby sit on his behind. He must have had a very tiring day. And I could relate.

I also have some video footage of Ella entertaining the troops at Mimosa, but that will have to wait. Though I'm keen for all of you to hear a couple of her made-up fairy songs that go on and on and on and are all about how 'beautiful' everything is in unicorn/butterfly/fairy land and how the rainbows have pink and purple in them.

I cannot remember what else we did since then. I do know Ella is still 3 going on 13, soon to be 4 going on 14. She tries to pull the: "You made me sad! You are not nice to me today!" trick on me very often. I have less and less patience with it. Just tell her that I may not be nice, but at least I am fair. Or that it is not my job to be nice to her. I also gave her a long lecture the other day about considering other people's feelings. I remember reading/watching something recently about how parents these days seem to just want their kids to be happy. While previous generations wanted their kids to be good. Which made me think... So I told Ella that I wanted her to be a good person. The best person she could be. And being 'good' includes not crying so much because everyone finds listening to crying annoying (which is why I now just calmly tell her to go cry in another room and come back when she's stopped), not making people wait, being brave and always being nice to other people. I now also try to tell her that good things come to good people and have considered telling her that being nice to other people brings good luck while crying over little pains is definitely bad luck. We all seem to take on some superstitious traditions whilst growing up so might as well brainwash her with some that are actually useful.

Now we're preparing to leave for 10 days at the coast. Which should be great as long as it doesn't rain too much. It's been exceptionally wet in these parts of the world for the past few weeks. I'm looking forward to spending Xmas on the beach. I just hope I'll be able to fit Santa's present for Ella in the car.

Then when we come back we'll need to start preparing for Ella's birthday party. As usual, it's going to be much larger than I intended. Ella is adamant that we should invite "everyone we know". So I obliged, though made sure I told "everyone we know" to bring a contribution. Also as always, I'm sure the party will be organised chaos, which is what our friends have come to expect of us and - not to brag - the casual atmosphere usually results in good parties.

But reminiscing on the year past and skills that Ella has gained:

• She writes letters very well. She will often write a random string of letters (with the odd number thrown in) and then asks me what word she's written. But after trying to pronounce the 5th nonsense word, I tell her to go copy existing words instead.
• She can finally dress herself! T-shirts and dresses are usually on backwards, but I won't be too critical.

She can also:

• Open the car doors from the outside
• Put her sunnies on by herself
• Close the zipper of her jackets
• Use scissors quite accurately (as demonstrated by her opening a well-wrapped box containing her Xmas present the other day)
• Draw recognisable figures (mainly fairies of course)
• Operate the tv and dvd player without instructions or assistance (Finally! I've been trying to teach her since she was 18 months old!)
• Use knife and fork to cut soft foods, like potatoes (I suspect she was capable of doing this before but never wanted to)
• Ride her balance bike like a pro

Next year there will be many more milestones including starting preschool (2 days a week) and hopefully riding a proper bike (now hidden in the garage waiting for her birthday).

A merry christmas and a happy new year from both of us!

Emo barbie meets punk barbies

I wasn't really listening to dd's detailed description of the public and secret life of fairy barbies, but I did switch on when she said:

Ella - And black fairy barbies like black clothes.
Me [nodding knowingly] - Ah, they're emo barbies.
Ella [without even blinking] - Yes, and emo barbies wear emo clothes.

I quite liked that image. Maybe I should sell that idea to Mattel.

And while we are on the barbie topic: if the makers of the fairy barbie dolls did not want kids to give their dolls a punk hairdo, they should darn well not have given them bright pink and purple hair.

But I did somehow feel obliged to reprimand my 3yo hairdresser in training after I discovered the pink and purple fairy hair clippings on the carpet. Which elicited a classic puberesque you-are-so-mean-to-me-mum outburst, with storming off in true dramaqueen style and all. Very entertaining. And it gave me an opportunity to explain - again - that being mean meant being angry for no reason. If mums were angry for a good reason - for example because the kid did something they knew they were not allowed to do, like cutting their brand new doll's hair with mummy's scissors - it was called 'being fair'.

Ageing

This morning in the car:

Ella - Hey mum! I don't do any accidents anymore.
Me - No. Um, well actually you had one last night, remember?
Ella - Yeah, but I'm bigger now.
Me - That's right. You're one day older now.
Ella - I'm not old!
Me - I said 'oldER'.
Ella - I'm not old, I'm young. You're very old mum.
Me - Thanks sweetie.

Royal hair

I didn't put Ella's hair up as usual yesterday. Nothing to do with wanting to make a fashion statement. She was so uncooperative that morning that - when she would not stand still to let me brush her hair - I refused to waste any more time on getting her ready to go.

As I was cooking dinner last night, Ella wandered into the kitchen and thoughtfully said:

Ella - Mum, I think I'm turning into a princess.
Me [trying not to laugh] - You think you're turning into a princess?!
Ella - Yes. Because my hair is growing so long. That's why I am going to be a princess.

Why oh why did I not make that hair dresser's apointment when she seemed happy to have her hair cut to shoulder lenght, like her best friend's? Now she seems convinced that her hair will be her ticket to becoming royalty, I have definitely missed that window of opportunity.